Thursday, June 16, 2011

Rolling computer bags




You best be going somewhere on a plane if there’s a bag rolling behind you, that’s all I’m saying. Actually, that’s not all I’m saying. I’m a big fan of laziness, but this is taking it too far. Strap that thing on your shoulder and get your ass to that meeting. You have a carefully thought-out and flawlessly executed PowerPoint presentation to walk people through. This is the Mt. Everest of laziness. If laziness were a no-nonsense, chain-smoking xenobotanist with a heart of gold, rolling computer bags would be Dr. Grace Augustine. If laziness were quintessential jazz recordings, they would be A Love Supreme by John Coltrane. If laziness were gratuitous jazz references, they would be that last sentence. If laziness were amazing analogists, rolling computer bags would be me. Just because you have hot legs and know a magic pathway into the sea of love is no excuse. Stop being a douche-bag. Wait, that’s it. The rolling computer bag is literally a douche-bag. Perfect. Pass it on.

4 comments:

  1. God, I'm so glad you're posting again.

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  2. I know you're trying to be funny but if you're a teacher or a career illustrator with a very bad neck from hunching over artwork for 20 years, this is the only way you can carry things. Also it is frightening that little tiny kids are carrying computers in their knapsacks to school everyday. The weight is too much for their little frames and doctors are warning about it. Also you're being kind of butch about this, but did you know that men with bad backs mostly get that injury in their youth, when older people say, "You're young and strong - you lift it." Using boys and young men who don't know how to lift properly."

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  3. I didn't consider the hunched-over-artist-for-two-decades demographic. You get a pass. As for kids...yeah, we're gonna need them to carry their bags. Eventually, they'll be living in a post-apocalyptic Mad Maxian world. They can't be carting machine guns behind them.

    Thanks for reading, Cynthia!

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  4. Dog Strollers are worse. Far far worse.

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