PENNIES

I'm not the richest dude in the cul-de-sac, but pennies can suck one. They're worthless. They're worth one cent each, you say? You and your highfalutin microeconomics can stuff it. What's wrong with round numbers? That taco is a dollar? Blam! I'm eating a taco. I also don't appreciate this strange phenomenon that occurs when you collect them in a jar. Why do they get greasy and become magnets for hair and metal washers? Then there's that one Canadian interloper that tries to infiltrate America's most annoying jar party. I just wanted a quarter, man, but now my hands reek of copper and lockjaw has set in from the rusty screw that found its way in the mix. And that's all we got for Honest Abe? The penny? His amazing chinstrap beard deserved better than that.