Wednesday, February 3, 2010


I feel like I'm supposed to like him because my dad does. So did his dad and his dad's grandpa before him. But every time I'm unlucky enough to catch him on TV I can't help but think, "Wow, this really is the worst fucking story I've ever heard in my life." Are you supposed to put quotes around something you think? Screw it, I'll check that later. The last Rooney story I watched was about fruit. It went a little something like this: Fruit is fascinating. It comes in all kinds of different shapes and sizes. Sometimes it's big. Sometimes it's small. It also comes in different colors. I generally like fruit that is yellow, like bananas and melons. I don't know what the yellow melon is called, I just know that I like it. They make square watermelons in Japan. I get my fruit at a local bodega. You might say I'm a fruit nut. Is a nut a fruit? I don't even know, but I like both.

Mickey Rooney was a pain in the ass too.


  1. That is the exact reason I love Andy Rooney. It's like someone gave my great-great-grandpappy a 5 minute time slot on television without him realizing. Not that he would have anything more interesting to say if he did realize. Andy Rooney is everyone's great-great-grandpappy, love him for that <3

  2. You know what else comes in all shapes and sizes? Vegetables. There are round red ones, long green ones, some are even purple! They aren't as sweet as most fruits, though. I like to eat sweet things. Sometimes I eat candy. Candy, another thing that comes in all shapes and sizes. I especially like candy shaped like fruit. I remember when candy was a nickel a piece...