Thursday, August 18, 2011

WEARING YOUR MITT TO A BIG LEAGUE GAME IF YOU’RE OVER 13

When you begin to grow hair around and sometimes on your schmekel you have a certain responsibility not to act like a boob. Many parents don’t teach that important rule. Tweenagers should be told to wear a glove in the bedroom and not at the ballpark. It’s responsible parenting 101. There is no greater feeling than holding a full beer in one hand and a home run in the other. Your bareback catch will make kids see you as a superhero and grownups admire your commitment to keeping every drop of the liquid gold in your cup. The $8 price tag on that Coors Light will give you that much more incentive. Even the ballplayers will take a timeout from roid-rage to toss you a respectful head nod. Heck, it could even land you on Sportscenter, especially if you catch the ball right in front of a kid’s face. But don’t try for that move. There’s too much downside in a failed attempt. 

 

2 comments:

  1. I'm totally that 30-something with the Mitt. I simply too much a a baby girl to try for the barehanded catch. I sucked in Little League, and likely haven't got any better. I think a better test of manhood is the post-catch reaction. If you jump up and down like a preteen girl at a pop concert - lame. If instead you're all cool and like "WHAT" or "I do this shit all the time", then I don't think it's that lame. That's my self-justification and I'm sticking with it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It sounds like you're owning the shit out of it, Knowitall. Free pass granted! If you could also learn to flip people off while wearing it, that would be epic as all hell.

      Delete