Wednesday, August 3, 2011


Yesterday, Halliburton (HAL) closed down nearly 3.25% after weak earnings reports coming out of the war crimes sector. I’m not ready to sell but if they don’t get back to being the ruthless go-getters we all know and love, that opinion could change fast. So, what’s going on? There are a few red flags I can identify right off the bat. First, they’re not partnering with nearly as many oppressive regimes as they used to. Herzegovina wasn’t destroyed in a day. It takes time and it takes collaboration. Next, Dick Cheney, aka Steve Jobs with balls, isn’t getting any younger. Without his innovation, nose for cash, and category-defining moral turpitude, I don’t know how far this stock can climb. Who’s the next evil genius to fill the void? Bachman? She has the hate but not the stones. Romney? His first name is Mitt so he’s out. Also, what happened to using nepotism as an awesome way of landing new contracts? How can you get into places like Somalia to bleed it dry without key people in place? In business, it’s not what you know it’s who you know. So let’s step it up on the wild-coke-parties-hosted-by-Thai-hookers front. And, of course, it didn’t help that Obummer got us out of Iraq and wants to do the same in Afghanistan. I thought that dude was on our side! Listen, this little cash cow’s teats will start giving up the milk again eventually, but this is one farmer who doesn’t like to stay thirsty for long.

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