Do people decide not to own a TV because they hate TV or because they love telling people they don’t have a TV? Don’t scratch your head for too long, because like most philosophical questions, I happen to know the answer. They relish any opportunity to raise their eyebrows and say, “Oh, I don’t have a TV.” It allows them that tone, that tone that says so much more than words ever could. It says, “listen dumbass, I didn’t see the werewolf bite off the skier’s head because I was at the library researching my next trip to the Galápagos Islands. I didn’t see when Nash Bridges almost slept with his cousin because I was perfecting my bouillabaisse. No, I happened to miss Jeff and Zoila’s fight about the guacamole at El Pollo Loco because I was teaching Pilates. I, unlike you, have more important things to do that actually matter to the world and to my own personal growth.” And you know what, they’re right. Good for them. But drop the tone. All you need to say is, “ha, no I didn’t see that, but it sounds like a hoot.” Then pat me on the head and move on with your awesomely productive day.
I own a television and only use it to watch Netflix and DVDs because I am far too lazy to fast forward through the commercials on my DVR. And that is why I tune out my mother when she has to nothing better to talk to me about than the latest episode of Raising Hope.
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