NEW YEAR'S EVE

Unless you’re Lil’ Wayne, New Year's Eve is a perpetual letdown. Too expensive, too crowded, too hard to get a cab, too anticlimactic, too much douchery. Here are some things I’d rather do with my time besides going out on New Year's Eve:

Making a red vine into a straw at a movie

Playing 18 holes of golf (Golden Tee)

Re-ordering my pantry while drinking beers

Scratching my athlete's foot

Going to Chili's

TPing houses

Watching TV at the gym while riding the stationary bike really slow

Deleting files on my computer

Coming up with new hopes and dreams

Facebook stalking

Dominating old people in Bingo

Trying to finish a medium level song on Guitar Hero

Correctly naming all the songs in my iTunes called "track 1"

Finishing a Grisham while taking a Grisham