Monday, May 12, 2014

NEEDING AN EXCUSE TO GO OUTSIDE

Outside is the only excuse you need to go outside. There are trees and grass and mountains and air and motherfucking lakes sometimes. There are streams and toads and breezes and ladybugs and birds. Outside is the motherfucking shit. The only reason you need to get all up in it is that it’s a day of the week. Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday, go outside! January February March April you get the picture, go outside! If Mother Nature were a real lady I would make love to her ever-so-gently after waiting at least four dates, because I respect the hell out of that sweet bitch. Go outside! Golf isn’t a good excuse to go outside. Sunsets, sunrises, the moon, stars, fucking snowballs and raindrops are. Don’t even bring up acid rain you crazy nuts because that shit feels nice on my face when I look up and laugh and stomp in the puddles. Outside is so goddamned amazing it even has a magazine named after it. That’s some next level Oprah Winfrey shit, you ungrateful bastards! Go Outside! Don’t even get my shit started on flowers. Have you ever stopped to think about how goddamned motherfucking amazing flowers are? They make your heart sing like Luther Vandross at his niece’s graduation ceremony. They’re more beautiful than Angelina Jolie and that fine ass ladywoman who used to be married to Seal. Maybe she still is I don't even know. Go outside! Outside has bears and zebras and giraffes and motherfucking bunny rabbits. You don’t need an excuse, you need a door you greasy lunkheads! Or a window! I’m gonna jump out of one right now! Then I’ll be out motherfuckin side!

 

2 comments:

  1. That fine-ass ladywoman who used to be married to Seal is Heidi Klum.
    And damn is she fine for a mother of, like, six? Three? Hell, ANY kid!

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    1. I'm pickin' up what you're puttin' down and I'm throwin' it on the grill and servin' it back to you fresh as hell, Soulvie. Keep on with the keep on.

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