Decorative Balls

You know what sucks balls? Decorative balls. Not only are they not that cool looking, they’re a recipe for social disaster at the inevitable 30-something vino-jam you’re forced to attend. After a couple Shirazes masculinity takes over. Suddenly, you’re juggling them like a freak and dishing no-look dimes to Todd over there in the turtleneck sweater. That puts him in an awkward position because he has to act annoyed even though he wants to play living room wiffle with the salmon plate bat as much as you do. Now your cush 150K-a-year consulting job is in jeopardy because Todd is your boss and Tina demands to see some heads roll for making a mockery of her special night of forced maturity.