They actually sell these. People actually buy them. They have the holes, but the tongue is glued to them so it can't speak of the atrocities befalling it. Why don't you just pee on the American flag, wrap it around an apple pie and wing it at a bald eagle while listening to Hendrix's rendition of The Star Spangled Banner while you're at it, Chairman Mao? Oh I see, because you're too busy punching Ronald McDonald in the balls.
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