PUBLIC SOCIAL NETWORKING DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION

Love is a many splendored feeling, but not on facebook. When someone writes mushy junk on their significant other’s wall it makes me want to take off all my clothes and jump into a hot pit of lava. When you do this, you’re not really telling your honey boo boo that she’s the world’s biggest snugglebum, you’re telling the world that you’re the world’s biggest dingleberry. Let’s keep the pillow talk for places with pillows. And maybe the occasional “you smell like a wet puppy” as you hold the door for them. They love that shit.

STATUS UPDATES AS A WINDOW INTO YOUR PERFECT LIFE

Nothing makes me want to run straight into a wall quite like this. Here's a taste:

…is curled up with a with a great cup of cocoa and a bad romance novel. Does life get any better? I think not. LOL.

…Roaring fire? Check. Delicious cab? Check. Best hubby in the world? Uber-check!

…is pooped after an 8.7 mile run, but boy was it worth it. 10 minutes of relaxation before I start on dinner.

...is so frustrated with the mechanic down at the Mercedes dealership.